Thursday, April 28, 2016


dreamt bout Bandung again today. i am not sure which part i miss the most, the ninjas; yeah yeah..that it what we called ourselves as we looked like teenage mutant ninja turtle. drop the turtle guys, we are the fallen angel,pretty af. or  the Bandung itself. Bandung is damn pretty despite the busy road, loud honk, suicidal traffic and the messy distribution wire. Bandung load with pretty scenery that make ur jaw cramp due to repetitive jaw drop. 

but, i think i miss the most is the ninjas. imagine yourself living with " strangers" for 8 days; waking up to the face that u barely known. at first i was like, "what the fck i am doing here" but on the last day i feel like crying cz tomorrow i will not be looking at those faces anymore. to be honest, i barely know them. the girl yes, we have like a lot of sleepover and they had used seeing my morning face and my exhausted face. but the guy, i don't even talk to them till this mission being executed. i did talk like " hi." then smile then blah. u know, it was so damn awkward at first and to adapt with the new surrounding was...malunya ya Allah, behave self behave self jgn over. well girls, you can't pretend more than a day. 

undeniable, i miss the ninjas. during the 8 days, i feel like i being blessed with new family. cain the clumsy one ( but i am clumsier so naah) who left her spectacles everywhere. her backpack was weirdly packed, it expanded on the side. thus Mira decided to give her 'backpack tutorial' on the night we headed back to bandung. i love cain but please, she hurt me a lot in sleep! honestly, i feel like kicking her ass but i am the watak baik dalam sinetron pukul 3 petang i won't hurt people. then meet Mira, the hyperactive one. she had the love-hate relationship with Indonesia tea. the scent from tea annoyed her. Her slim figure rock anything she wore. and she was the mobile router. thanks to her i can be in touch with my beloveds! Intan and the checkers. she love ayam penyet like very much. she was the mood booster. when she is down, u can feel the unusual vibe. solemn. dull. but when she and mira in active state, u can get abs from laughing too hard. 

then the guy, if you're a looking for a mother trapped in man figure, then your a looking for hendri. don't let him speak cz he will nag. hahahahha! but sokay, that was the fun part tho. u can use that to tease him back later one. as for mel, the 5 ft 9 inc, his nervousness was well masked behind his cool demeanor. he was like a father figure, ways to save everyone asses are kept hidden in the sleeves. u can rely on him, no joke. then, there goes your baby brother. mal was so cute and innocent. he looked like a person you can bully all night long but nope, he won't allow you to do so. when u put intan, mira and mal together, you will get the trio that can light up the night. last on the list, rasyeed. if you know him, he was not the person you know in class. he slept a lot, like a lot. and he eat a lot too. but maynn..don't let him be in the active state; you'll be damn tired. sleep is the better option though. 

tsk tsk tsk...there is a lot to be told but i couldn't find any word to deliver it. i leave it here. yes, it had been two weeks since the trip last but i could not hold myself from putting the memories on repeat. like a film with no voice. u get teary just by watching it.


Sunday, April 17, 2016


I suffer depression for years. I have trouble with my self-esteem; as well as having serious inferiority complex. i always feel like I am not belong to the pack; being hated and annoyed. My negativity often push me to the edge and almost drown me in my own inferiority. However, I am so damn lucky for having everyone by my sides that always pull my hands and convince me that life is not that bad. It will hit u but instead of being weaker, u will be stronger. I used to have that crazy thought of jumping down the bridge or cutting my own wrist. Then God sent someone to hold my thought back and show me how beautiful life can be despite the crappy shits. I hate being ignored as it will always make me lonely. Loneliness kill me and create a hollow in the heart. The pain is real and lethal. However, when I feel my emotion slowly being devoured by the devil thought, I pull myself back to the shore, immediately being embrace by the warmth hug from the one I love. It convince me again and again that I have my beloveds to rely one.

I don’t really need man, to enjoy the warmth of hug and attention. I have my family and friends; that I hold my little heart. And I have all the reason to live my life.